This is embarrassing… I have no idea how to change the subtitle (description… whatever it’s called) of my blog… but until I figure out how to do that…. I AM EIGHTEEN FINALLY!!! Nothing really changed, but it’s kinda fun to feel all grown up. I even bought a scratch-off ticket the other week! I lost…. but still. It was exciting.
One thing that has grown within me is my excitement for college. I consider myself an independent person, but I still feel that my quest for self-discovery cannot continue until I jump out of my cozy life into a new, scary, unknown future. I don’t really know how to say this, but I always feel like I’m doing a fine job living my life… but at the end of the day it’s never good enough. I hate going to bed feeling like I didn’t do enough for myself or my family and friends, and stuff like that.
One way to solve that problem is to lower my expectations a bit. I have to realize that just because I had a healthy smoothie for breakfast, I’m not going to have a “hot bod” by the end of the day. I have to realize that no matter how much of an attempt I make to be a friend to some people, I will always end up getting screwed over somehow. Lastly, I need to keep in mind that I cannot repair everything, even though I wish I could.
Another way is to realize that i’m totally looking at this whole situation the wrong way. maybe I really am not doing enough. Maybe if i stopped eating pudding and worked harder at the gym I would have a tight ass. Maybe If I stopped wasting my energy to please people who are only using me, I would be a HELL of a lot happier. And maybe, just maybe if I could stand up for myself every once in a while, I would be strong.
Wow I have no idea where this post went… it was definitely supposed to be a happy one. All I’m trying to say is that I have a lot of goals for my future that I hope to reach. I think the first step is changing my perspective. I need to find the spark of motivation within me and help it grow until everyone notices that I have the fire within me and the desire to make a change.
ok seriously ignore the fire comment. I was thinking about the hunger games. What I’m trying to say is that IMMA GO ALL KATNISS EVERDEEN ON MY LIFE AND START A REBELLION ON MY LACK OF MOTIVATION. That is all.